My Ramblings

My Employer has been amazing.  They’ve visited me in hospital.  They’ve sent me cards filled with messages from people.  They bought me a kindle, my fave perfume and make up for when I’m ready to get dressed up again.  They’ve even paid for transport when I’ve not been able to get to treatment. And to top it all off, some are cycling to Paris to raise money for cancer charities. Some individuals are doing their own things to raise money too.  They’ve made me feel very special and cared about and every now and then it makes me a bit tearful.
My friends have been brilliant.  Visiting me in hospital and at home.  Taking me out when I’m up to it.  Entertaining me, listening to me, just being there.
I can’t believe how good the medical staff have been with me, although occassionaly I wanted to shout and scream and certain ones.  That’s normal, right?
I also need to have a moan.  I’m not sure what one of my friends is thinking.  I had my ovaries moved to make sure the radiotherapy wouldn’t get in the way and damage them.  There’s a chance I may not be able to have children.  So, everytime she sees me, or sends a card, or gift, or on email or by text she gives me another photo of her baby!  Yes, well done, you’ve had a baby. I haven’t.
She also bought me celebration chocolates.  What we celebrating?
Oh and a shower cap – my hairs falling out
and a nail brush – my skin is very sore around my fingers
a body mit – my skin is very dry and sore
So, thanks for the pressie, but next time think before you visit.
Now onto something else, which I think should be known about in every day life.  Because  I think it would make people give up smoking and perhaps listen more about cancer.
Vaginal Dilators.
In about three weeks time I will have to use pink tubes to “open” myself up again as the radiotherapy has shut me down.  Well, after everything I’ve gone through that was not what I was expecting!  It’s going to cause some humour at least at some point.
Sore feet and hands – well they’re so dry!  I’m chucking on the cream but still nadda.
Taste gone.  Food isn’t food.  It’s clay.  Certain things work, like orange squash and lime marmalade, but amazingly chocolate is DISGUSTING! It tastes so strange!  My tastes buds are returning though, but it’s a slow process…
How I feel? Angry sometimes.  I want my life back, not this life.  I’m so pleased I’m at home with my parent’s.  I love my friends more than ever.  I’m happy I’m single for the first time in my life. Positive about the future, but also very aware this cancer journey never seems to go as planned.
That’s all for now folks 😉

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