I’m angry tonight. I’m angry with everyone that talks to me. I’m angry with me. My body. My tumour. My life. I hate my illness and I hate that it’s upset me today.
I just want it out of me without going through the scans and the op. I want to sit with my arse hurting. I want to go a day without needing 18hrs sleep. I want to be able to walk. I want to be able to go somewhere without my mouth drying up. I want my hair to stay. I don’t want to loo ill.
Am I letting this tumour win?
I want to scream and shout and hit out. But I can’t, because I’m the one who is so brave and strong. I’m not brave and strong. I didn’t choose this lifestyle. It chose me. Brave and strong are for people who take something on because they want to. I didn’t ask for this.