I Hate This.

I’m angry tonight.  I’m angry with everyone that talks to me.  I’m angry with me. My body. My tumour. My life.  I hate my illness and I hate that it’s upset me today.
I just want it out of me without going through the scans and the op.  I want to sit with my arse hurting.  I want to go a day without needing 18hrs sleep.  I want to be able to walk.  I want to be able to go somewhere without my mouth drying up.  I want my hair to stay.  I don’t want to loo ill. 
Am I letting this tumour win?
I want to scream and shout and hit out.  But I can’t, because I’m the one who is so brave and strong.  I’m not brave and strong.  I didn’t choose this lifestyle.  It chose me.  Brave and strong are for people who take something on because they want to.  I didn’t ask for this.

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